oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
halfway through eating me out he goes 'oh that reminds me i have to buy fish for good friday'
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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