I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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