I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I'm one bad relationship away from owning seven cats.
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