My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
The struggles of a small town man whore
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Randomize
