An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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