My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
