i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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