3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
