Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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