This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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