John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
