HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
We need to rekindle our bromance
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Also the girl beside me smells like she's been in a deep fryer.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
