the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
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