hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
