When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He didn't get how "starting a flash flood in my thunderhole" was a sexy euphemism. Deal breaker.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Randomize
