I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
All I want is dick and wine.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
It's officially "let him eat me out in a sundress with no panties" season. Needless to say the first date was a success.
Randomize
