i think my mom watched the whole time
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
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