# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
