It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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