i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
she pinky promised me she was 18
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
