New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
