this beer tastes like vomit already
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
ok please explain why some one shaved half of my pubes?
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
