A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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