Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Randomize
