Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
