You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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