I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I don't think tits should taste like fish.
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
