I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
