My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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