I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
It's just like the Real World with babies
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
Two women at the Safeway just got out of their separate cars and kissed. One was driving an outback, the other a CRV. It was like a Honda and Subaru had a lesbian joint venture and filmed the commercial in front of me.
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
