Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
