Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
Randomize
