What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
