You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
What's great about college is that i can eat chocolate cereal for every meal and call it a money saving technique.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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