he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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