How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think my fart just growled at me.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
this is the 21st century. you drunk fuck him and then go on a date.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
