After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Randomize
