Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
