Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
