The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
Houston, we have a blender
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Randomize
