So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
My breasts were aching with rage.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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