You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
It's my coworker's last day party and I'm the one who ended up shitfaced on the train with half a bottle of belvedere in my bag.
I offered to give him "road head" while he played GTA 5. I think he will be more optimistic about date night in the future.
I have feelings that need drinking.
Hey, you should go to your facebook ASAP... i'm guessing you're wasted but you just uploaded a picture of someones dick...and everyones taking bets now if its Rick or Mikes..
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
