I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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