Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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