Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
