i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
