no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Randomize
