God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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