i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
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