Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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