I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Randomize
