How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
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