Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Randomize
