The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
