I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
