wow. When I'm done with him he's going to have to pop his collar in necessity and not just douchery
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Idk. The bad part of me thinks it's a good idea. The bad part is also the stupid part.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
