I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
You thought there were zombies attacking us so you tried to tuck and roll out of a moving vehicle. Also you should consider wearing underwear
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