So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
I just undressed him with my eyes. And gave him a 10 inch penis. I hope its true.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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