Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
S and I had anal without a condom because I'm on my rag but he didn't finish. Should I still take Plan B?
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
Randomize
