nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
