Whoa Z and x make the same sound
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
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